This weekend, I had a professional conference at Amelia Island, Florida, and I was talking late one evening with a friend’s husband who travels a lot, and he was saying he carries disinfectant wipes with him when he’s on the road, so that he can wipe down hotel remotes when he checks in for the week, since (he assures me) the hotels’ staff aren’t cleaning TV remote controls.  I was puzzled by this ritual and pointed out that I never turn on my TV in hotel rooms, because I’m always out “doing stuff” like “exploring the city I’m in” or “enjoying local restaurants and bars,” etc.

He said, “Well, when you’re there all week and are by yourself, you’d probably turn on TV in the evenings, and you gotta figure guys are watching the dirty movies they have and masturbating, and then they turn the TV off before bed with their unclean hands.”

“No, that’s not something I would ‘figure’ at all, but it makes sense now that you explain it.”  Then I thought for a minute.  “Actually, last night, our children went to be pretty early, so we pulled out my ipad pro and watched an episode of ‘Daredevil’ on Netflix.  We haven’t touched our hotel remote at all the past 3 days!”  And, I immediately felt better.

Thanks, streaming Netflix.  You’re keeping strange semen off my hands.