Most of us dads are used to being appreciated a bit as Fathers Day approaches, but should we thank our babies for making us dads?  Is that ridiculous or a deep, insightful exercise?  Life of Dad  and Pampers seem to think such an inquiry falls into the latter category.  As such, I’ve been asked (read:  paid) to participate in an exercise that includes an analysis of how becoming a dad has benefited me.

Hmmmm.  Okay, I got this.

Because I’m a dad, I no longer hold others’ babies as far from my body as my arms can possibly reach, like I’m offering the gods a living sacrifice.

Because I’m a dad, I know that urine goes right through a Herman Miller Aeron chair!

Because I’m a dad, I’m ready for Big Brother and the ubiquitous surveillance that will one day come to our society, as I’ve been meticulously watched, noted, and imitated for the past 9 years.

Because I’m a dad, I’ve expanded my vocabulary to include new, obscure references to expletives or abbreviations for same (most of the time).

Because I’m a dad, I know what Pixar is working on at all times.

Because I’m a dad, I drive a much safer vehicle and even drive more safely, whether I have passengers or not.

Because I’m a dad, my birthday parties start at 5pm, and the yard has more games in it, fewer piles of dog manure, and drastically fewer late night appearances (by me) in drag.

Because I’m a dad, I feel guilty about frequently leaving my dad’s tools in the woods 30 years ago, because I know how it feels to buy the same hammer 3 times.

Because I’m a dad, I fly to conferences where other dads go to learn how to be better dads.

Because I’m a dad, I buy 5 plane tickets instead of 1.

Because I’m a dad, I can’t ever sleep in or late.  No matter what time I go to bed.

Because I’m a dad, all my old Star Wars action figures, GI Joe action figures, Transformers, and GoBots have gotten a new lease on life. Some of my old stuffed animals, too.

Because I’m a dad, I find videos like this one endearing:

Because I’m a dad, I rush to get home every night that I can, so I don’t miss family dinner and bedtime reading time.

Because I’m a dad, “bjorn” no longer means “tall Swedish dude” to me.

Because I’m a dad, I prioritize becoming a better version of myself.  Or try to, anyway.

Because I’m a dad, I stop making lists like this one, so I can go see what the hell that noise was coming from the den.

Happy fathers day!